When Directness is Better than Niceness

In the wonderful book, Learning from the Bumps in the Road, written as a fascinating and helpful dialogue between four early childhood leaders, Holly Elissa Bruno writes about the pitfalls of "niceness."

"Niceness can be a cover for conflict-avoidance, for going along to get along, and for pretending to be just fine when we are unhappy, sad, or just plain angry." Bruno quotes the following data that shows the downfalls of too much inauthentic "niceness:"

• "Eighty percent of early childhood leaders are conflict-avoidant (Bruno 2007).
  
  
•  Seventy percent of women take things personally and get their feelings hurt (Myers et. al 1998).
  
  
•  More than half of early childhood professionals say they regularly experience gossip, negativity, and backbiting at work (Bruno 2007).

By demanding niceness over directness, we end up with early childhood settings where conflicts are dealt with indirectly, usually through gossip or backbiting. Gossip allows us to release our anger and surround ourselves with supporters while never facing the person who offended us directly. What are we modeling for our children?"

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