Responding to Kid's Disrespect

06/05/2006

Responding to Kid's Disrespect

The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.
Lou Holtz

In our Parenting Exchange Topical Collection #1: Discipline, Guidance, Temperament, Karen Stephens offers this advice for responding when that once so lovable baby starts to sass a parent or a caregiver. In part, she suggests…

“Do parents have a right to complain about back-talk or name calling? You bet! Should parents roll over and put up with it? No way! But it’s how we react to kids’ back talk that counts the most. In fact, it can make all the difference in the world.

“If we respond patiently and maturely to children’s negative remarks, we will, by example, teach self control and self-respect.

“If we respond to disrespect with violent behavior and thinly veiled threats, we teach aggression, not wiser, more productive communication. Threats teach kids to ‘go for the jugular.’ Empty threats fuel the escalation of run-of-the-mill power struggles that everyone should expect to occasionally encounter when raising kids.

“If parents allow emotional battles to heat up to the point of boiling over, we can create lifetime scars for everyone. There are ways to teach children to be gentler, especially with those they love — even when they are their angriest. The sooner you stand up to back talk, the better….”

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