ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

You've all given me so much to think about and ponder. I apologize for my delay in responding.

Michele, in October, I lost both my mother and my father-in-law to dementia. My mom, a dear friend of the founders of Exchange, was diagnosed 15 years ago. In the early stages, she could have done this and it would have brought her joy. What you describe as painful and disturbing resonates with how the later years turned out. You have my empathy, and I deeply appreciate your forthrightness in sharing and for your deeper reflections on "joining our attention" to children's thinking.

Deborah, I've not heard "That's the correct answer to a different question" before - something new to think about! Thank you!

Kim - YES! Our name is "Exchange" and we are at our best when the conversation goes both ways like this. All of your comments help us think and grow, perhaps more than you all realize. Keep it coming! As you can see in my comments to Michele, I have walked the path of dementia with two of my parents/in-laws, and thought often of the connection between caring for children and caring for aging parents. You've given me more to think about.

And Frances, as always, I appreciate your thinking and sharing your thoughts. It reminded me of your awesome Guerrilla Teaching Tactics article.

This is a wonderful thought question. I teach curriculum development in my community college for early childhood teachers. Curriculum is a place where outcomes, standards, goals and objectives all come together. Many programs - including Head Start - are required to use "approved" curricula. And often these outcomes and standards have to "be measurable". When I get to this part of the process (usually the lesson plan), I tell my students that the important objectives of any curriculum for young children "cannot be measured".

First, I’m so glad I read the other comments first - additional pauses and food for thought. I also had a parent with dementia, sometimes it was very hard. For me, when I shifted to expecting different interactions: not knowing me, aggression, accusations, it was a lot easier for both of us. I showed up knowing that this behavior, these mistakes, were part of the development of the disease. This is not unlike human beings developing. There’s going to be mistakes, missteps, acting out, as children learn how to be in the world. I’m intrigued by the comment of nurturing their unique abilities and I agree with this. It’s not ignoring the mistakes, it’s a “redo”, guiding, and helping them to grow at a pace and in a way that works for that child. I also like to frame the mistakes (also an interesting word: miss takes/missteps) as par for the course rather than misbehaving which keeps me feeling lighter and connected. Thank you for a chance to think deeper on this!

“What can shift when we truly prioritize connection and belonging over milestones and standards?”

There is a great strategy I used in the classroom with kiddos and when leading teachers - when kiddos do not answer a question 'correctly' - just ask a new question. So, "What's 3+5?" Child eagerly raises hand and shouts, "9!" Teacher says, "That's the correct answer to a different question - What's 7+2?!" Let the student say 9 - and be correct. Celebrate the correct answer to a different question - then go back - there's a whole process here but the point is - we could see all answers as correct to some question out there - bring that forward. Celebrate it - keep the momentum going forward - the energy high - children feeling affirmed. Learning explodes!

Aparna, beautifully stated! I love how you've made the connection from connection to security to intrinsic motivation to learning and resilience. So true. Thank you!

On the surface , this seems like a lovely thing, referencing the dementia and restaurant story. I am not going to comment about that here because I had a mother who died from her dementia and am not objective in any way. It was a painful and disturbing decline. She would not have been a candidate for that type of interaction.
Re: early chilhdood and "mistakes," I would just say this. Rather than view the "mistakes" as inevitable and suggest that our willingness to embrace a day of them when interacting with young children has caused me to pause here. THis is not something I generally do in Exchange Daily posts. I am grateful for the chance to examine myself about why this caused me to stop and think. I will keep at that.
Meantime, my comments are just that I find myself working with teachers and future teachers all the time about this way of thinking about what human beings do. In many cultures , from whom we can learn much, what we do is what we do. It's not judge right or wrong, mistake or success. That kind of thinking boxes us up and equates the outcomes of our actions with who we are fundamentally, and even worse- what what is possible in us. I have seen children do things a million ways I never would have imagined. What a gift. Many are what we be called "mistakes." I understand what the message is here and to some degree, I can appreciate it. I also want so much for those with young children to see their capacities for a way of seeing that will diminish as they develop unless we INTENTIONALLY help them sustain the abilities without being held back from others. Thanks for the pause and chance to reflect on this important aspect of "joining our attention" to children's thinking.

When prioritizing connection and belonging over milestones and standards in an early childhood environment, a transformative shift occurs for sure! There will be a profound impact on children's overall development. This approach fosters emotional security, enhances social skills, and promotes individualized learning by recognizing each child's unique strengths and challenges. With an intrinsic motivation to learn, children become more engaged in their experiences, contributing to a positive and inclusive environment that cultivates a sense of belonging. The holistic focus on emotional, social, and cognitive growth builds resilience, creating a foundation for success. Additionally, stronger partnerships between educators and parents would emerge, facilitating open communication and collaboration.
Ultimately, prioritizing connection establishes a joyful and supportive learning environment, shaping not only early childhood experiences but also laying the groundwork for lifelong well-being and positive relationships.